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Talking About Surrogacy
The Extraordinary Journey of a Surrogate Mom.
By Pamela MacPhee
I invite you to check out my latest surrogacy column at fertilityauthority.com!
The first successful gestational surrogacy was in 1985.
Now approximately 1,000 babies are born via surrogate mothers every year in the United States. Surrogacy, however, is not legally recognized in many states and countries.
Surrogacy is an amazing journey to deliver a miracle to couples suffering from infertility, and with the right match between surrogates and intended parents can and should be an exciting, joyful and fulfilling experience. With the proper psychological evaluations, medical evaluations and preparation, and legal contract in place, well-matched couples can embark on a wonderful journey together.
In addition to wishing to share an inspiring feel-good story about the joy of giving the ultimate gift, I have written DELIVERING HOPE to reveal the emotional, psychological and relationship aspects of surrogacy to inform individuals and couples and help them better prepare for their surrogacy journey.
Click here to order your books!
****A portion of proceeds from book sales benefit infertility and women's cancer charities!!****
"I LOVED it!.......Your book made me cry over and over again. Reading it was a huge help. I feel more prepared now for what is to come."
A Hopeful Surrogate Mom
~ Karen Chernekoff, MA, MFT,
Third-Party Reproduction Consultant
If you are considering surrogacy as either an intended parent or a surrogate, here are a few of my basic, initial suggestions in finding the right match and a fulfilling journey. (You will find many other ideas over the course of reading my book):
1. Follow your intuition.
2. Find someone with similar beliefs.
3. Establish trust upfront so that you can have honest, open communication throughout your journey.
4. Make sure you are all aware of each other's feelings about how you want to share the pregnancy with each other and with other people, the logistics of the delivery, and post-birth contact.
5. Make every effort at every point in the journey to understand the other person's point of view.
6. Let your surrogate know how much you appreciate them, and let the IPs know how excited you are to deliver THEIR baby to them!
7. Enjoy each other and your unique relationship for the special bond that it represents.
WOMEN"S INFERTILITY, CANCER & SURROGACY RESOURCES
That I like!
Resolve (resolve.org)
FertilityAuthority.com
Fertile Hope of the Lance Armstrong Foundation (fertilehope.org)
Gynecological Cancer Foundation (gcf.org)
Cervical Cancer Coalition
Women's Cancer Network
Cafe Mom Surrogacy Groups
Surromomsonline.com
Infertilityanswers.org
The Oncofertility Consortium
The first successful gestational surrogacy was in 1985.Now approximately 1,000 babies are born via surrogate mothers every year in the United States. Surrogacy, however, is not legally recognized in many states and countries.
Surrogacy is an amazing journey to deliver a miracle to couples suffering from infertility, and with the right match between surrogates and intended parents can and should be an exciting, joyful and fulfilling experience. With the proper psychological evaluations, medical evaluations and preparation, and legal contract in place, well-matched couples can embark on a wonderful journey together.
In addition to wishing to share an inspiring feel-good story about the joy of giving the ultimate gift, I have written DELIVERING HOPE to reveal the emotional, psychological and relationship aspects of surrogacy to inform individuals and couples and help them better prepare for their surrogacy journey.
Click here to order your books!
****A portion of proceeds from book sales benefit infertility and women's cancer charities!!****
"I LOVED it!.......Your book made me cry over and over again. Reading it was a huge help. I feel more prepared now for what is to come."
A Hopeful Surrogate Mom
~ Karen Chernekoff, MA, MFT,
Third-Party Reproduction Consultant
If you are considering surrogacy as either an intended parent or a surrogate, here are a few of my basic, initial suggestions in finding the right match and a fulfilling journey. (You will find many other ideas over the course of reading my book):
1. Follow your intuition.
2. Find someone with similar beliefs.
3. Establish trust upfront so that you can have honest, open communication throughout your journey.
4. Make sure you are all aware of each other's feelings about how you want to share the pregnancy with each other and with other people, the logistics of the delivery, and post-birth contact.
5. Make every effort at every point in the journey to understand the other person's point of view.
6. Let your surrogate know how much you appreciate them, and let the IPs know how excited you are to deliver THEIR baby to them!
7. Enjoy each other and your unique relationship for the special bond that it represents.
WOMEN"S INFERTILITY, CANCER & SURROGACY RESOURCES
That I like!
Resolve (resolve.org)
FertilityAuthority.com
Fertile Hope of the Lance Armstrong Foundation (fertilehope.org)
Gynecological Cancer Foundation (gcf.org)
Cervical Cancer Coalition
Women's Cancer Network
Cafe Mom Surrogacy Groups
Surromomsonline.com
Infertilityanswers.org
The Oncofertility Consortium
Excerpt from All You magazine interview, May 2010
".......Two weeks after the embryo transfer, Lauren called to say we were pregnant! It was wild not to be the first to find out there was a baby in my belly, but they were the parents. One of my favorite moments was witnessing the awe in their eyes when they first heard the heartbeat and saw their baby in an ultrasound. Less enjoyable were the many rounds of morning sickness I experienced, made worse because I had three children of my own to care for. Robert was fantastic about picking up the slack, but there were definitely times when I thought, Oh, God, this is a lot.
My kids were great. It seemed logical to them when I explained that because Lauren's belly didn't work right, the doctor put Henry's and her baby in my belly and when it was time, we would give the baby back. They loved to talk to their cousin in my stomach, and they drew pictures of her at school--which did require some careful explanation for their teachers!
Because of my previous difficult deliveries, and because I wanted Henry and Lauren to be there, I scheduled a C-section. The day before was Mother's Day and our extended families--who were incredibly supportive and involved throughout the process--had gathered for brunch. It was a little odd to be nine months pregnant and not be the mom we were all celebrating. But the next day, when the baby was born, Lauren let out the guttural primal cry of a mother seeing her daughter for the first time. Watching her and Henry as they held Hope's little hands and became a family...there was no question in my mind that I had done the right thing.
People always want to know if it was hard to give Hope up. It wasn't, because she never felt like my baby.........."
".......Two weeks after the embryo transfer, Lauren called to say we were pregnant! It was wild not to be the first to find out there was a baby in my belly, but they were the parents. One of my favorite moments was witnessing the awe in their eyes when they first heard the heartbeat and saw their baby in an ultrasound. Less enjoyable were the many rounds of morning sickness I experienced, made worse because I had three children of my own to care for. Robert was fantastic about picking up the slack, but there were definitely times when I thought, Oh, God, this is a lot.
My kids were great. It seemed logical to them when I explained that because Lauren's belly didn't work right, the doctor put Henry's and her baby in my belly and when it was time, we would give the baby back. They loved to talk to their cousin in my stomach, and they drew pictures of her at school--which did require some careful explanation for their teachers!
Because of my previous difficult deliveries, and because I wanted Henry and Lauren to be there, I scheduled a C-section. The day before was Mother's Day and our extended families--who were incredibly supportive and involved throughout the process--had gathered for brunch. It was a little odd to be nine months pregnant and not be the mom we were all celebrating. But the next day, when the baby was born, Lauren let out the guttural primal cry of a mother seeing her daughter for the first time. Watching her and Henry as they held Hope's little hands and became a family...there was no question in my mind that I had done the right thing.
People always want to know if it was hard to give Hope up. It wasn't, because she never felt like my baby.........."
